best relationship

the best relationship is when you two can act like lover and best friends. its when you have more playful moments than serious moments. its when you can joke around, have unexpected hug and random kisses. its when you two give each other than specific stare and just smile. its when you'll rather chill inside to watch movies,eat junk food and cuddle than go out all the time. its when you'll stay up all night just to settle ur arguments and problems. its when you can completely act yourself and they can still love you for who you are ...

today

today, should be a special day anniversary 2years 1month with dodid but but it was all just a dream. there will be no longer anniversary on 29. haha in fact i really so sad but I dont know what else to do,I'm too tired to cry and if you're here and you know,maybe you also tired of seeing me cry and fall down like this. i really miss you so much especially i miss everything bout us ! not easy for me to forget all about us because it's all, too beautiful to be forgotten. to this day you're still the best for me...

Sometimes there are things in our life that aren't meant to stay. Sometimes change may not be what we want.
Sometimes change is exactly what we need.
And sometimes saying goodbye is the hardest thing you think you'll ever have to do, but sometimes saying hello again is the thing that breaks you down and makes you more vulnerable than you ever thought possible.
Sometimes change is too much to bear, but most of the time change is the only thing that saved your life.
Accept it, because in the end everything happens for a reason.

"Don't take life too seriously, nobody gets out alive anyways," so I've been told. I've seen people stress out about things I'm thankful for. Just small, tiny details that we often don't look as a blessing anymore. if I don't make the most of it, I might as well stop living. I've always shared my hopes and dreams to the people I trust, and as disappointing some of them may be, I never regret those who once made pretty little footprints in my heart. Even the best kind of friendship has to end at some point. Distance, time, there will be some sort of separation. If you're lucky-- it will be temporary, or if you're not, some may be permanent.

I'm the worst when it comes to saying goodbye, and maybe that's why I'm always tested with it, to make me stronger every time I have to watch people leave. Although it makes me happy because with time, I realize it's for the best. I know I sound like some dark person who experienced terrible loss all the time, well... It's not as bad as it sounds, okay :p I try to convince myself to not be afraid about losing people, because it's just a sign that maybe they just have to leave. Maybe, it's just how the cycle goes. The never-ending cycle people go through. One thing you should never forget is; through every goodbye, smile. So if you think that life's a joke, you might as well just laugh at it.

There's something about the frailty of my emotions. How badly it hurts when words cut me deep and how broken my ego has become. Fragile with brittle ideas and not much left to care for. Mocked by bruised ambitions and painful reflections. Even smiling makes my face ache in the worst way possible. It hurts to feel anything. So I've chosen to feel nothing at all.

Sometimes it's easier for me to pretend rather than to face my feelings. Sometimes it's easier to try to make it alone rather than risk getting hurt again. Sometimes it's easier to be numb towards certain people so I don't let them get too close. Sometimes I'm scared, but when I act numb towards you, it doesn't mean I don't care. It means I care too much. But it's almost like you had it planned, you smiled at me and introduced yourself and said the right words at the right time, when really you should have said "I'm about to screw you over."

love is

Love is something divine. Love is about looking at someone, and your heart has a slightly different feeling compared to anybody else in the Universe. It's about wanting one person; and one person only. That is why people get married at the end. For others who sleep around and don't settle down, they live the most lonely life. They don't know love. Love is not something you see in the movies, it's about something you experience. It beats to the rhythm of compassion. It makes you happy, even when tests and trials come around. Love is so precious and rare that you don't just get it anywhere, it needs to be found. So when you found love, hold onto it. It might not come around twice. Most of the time, they don't. People who satisfy their lust will never have enough. They'd search for other qualities they don't find in their partner, for they don't feel complete. It's not their partner's fault, it's his own fault. It's his job and duty to complete the other. Imperfection is perfect, that is why love has its ups and downs. Love is sacred, that is why only two people are responsible to make the oath to each other, not three or four. Relationships need one person to direct the boat and the other to steer it, if there are many people involved, there's a big possibility that the ship might sink. Love is a great amount of sacrifice. It is tightly bonded with loyalty, trust and forgiveness. True love gives, but never expect. Love is what give life its true meaning. Love is what makes life worth living. Love is something worth dying for. 

You win some, you'll lose some. Happy endings are just a matter of fairytale, too good to be true to ever happen or come true. Isn't it ironic? How you picture relationships to be all rainbows, butterflies, but when you crash and burn, you realize that there's so much to learn. 

Sometimes love is like a poem. You can't really understand unless you're the writer of the poem itself. You might get the idea or understand the point, but you can never get the complete picture unless you underwent the whole process. People see the good in love but they never witnessed the bad. That's why everybody knows... But nobody really knows.

If you push me away, I will drift apart,
If you stop me now, I won't even start,
If you don't hold back, I will try to let go,
If you say you care , why can't you let it show,
If you push the envelope, I will burst into tears,
If you press the wrong buttons, you'll regret it for years,
If you won't change your ways, I'm not going to argue,
If you hate me now, I always will love you....

Fresh start. Who wouldn't want a fresh start? I mean, we all make mistakes and our choices might not be the best there is, but hey, above all, life is still good. And in the end, everything happens the way they should be. Don't worry if you think you can't move on, or the hardest part of starting over with someone is starting right down from the bottom. People see the bad side in trying to move on from a person of the past because you think it's going to be the same all over again. Therefore you have trust issues, you get insecure. Take it this way, when you're about to start a new relationship with someone, picture yourself being a totally renewed human being. Would you still want to do the same mistakes all over again? No, right? You would definitely learn from all the other faults you've done in the past, because there's another chance you might do it right this time. Picking up the pieces, I used to be scared of what might have been. But if you're too scared of the future, it might not even happen.

we need someone

You will come to realize that everyone in your life will hurt you. Whether the scars are long or short term, it depends on how important they are in your life. If there's enough room in your heart for the hurt, there's enough room for the love as well. Even if it's from a family member or a dear friend, there are people in your life who will always be there, to keep you going. The people you can count on the most and they are the ones that stay, no matter what happens between you and them. Some bonds are just too strong that not even age or distance can separate you. And sometimes you are so thankful that maybe without them or their support, you wouldn't be here by now. Here's to them. Who never looked down or doubt or grew tired of dealing with you. To the family members, beloved friends, or as I'd like to call them, soulmates. So don't worry if you've experienced loss in the past, look at the things you've got and you'll never have to feel alone anymore.

pain

Pain is good. Pain is an indication that you're alive. Pain causes you to grow. The finest gold needs to go through fire again and again. Even the most beautiful flower go through a lot of rain. Pain makes you more mature. It makes you understand other people better. It's a way of learning things, but in a more cruel way, I suppose? But then again, you learn more from pain than from pleasure, don't you? That's why we remember other people's mistakes more than their good deeds. Why? Simply because you learn from pain. You learn from being let down, loss, cheating, betrayal and disappointments. Don't let pain get the best of you, but let it bring out the best in you. The simplest way to be happy is to stay away from people who make you unhappy. But that's almost impossible, right? Because most people who make you unhappy are the ones you love and care about the most.

peace with past

To clean the wound is when we know just how much we’re injured. But isn’t it the most painful part, though; the healing part? I understand just how complex the past can be and it shows in our present lives. It’s so hard to risk of going to the same situation when it had caused you so much pain: to start over a relationship, to break-up with someone, to forget a loved one, being separated, to deal with losses or changes. Sometimes it’s a matter of ‘accepting’ or ‘adjusting’ with things because we have no other choice, isn’t it? Because no matter how hard we do or try or wish with all our might, it happened and there’s nothing we can do about it. The possibility is endless, if we talked about what could have, would have or should have happened.

Moving on—I figure—is easy. Distracting ourselves from what used to be an issue of the past is somehow easy if we’re busy, when our friends are around or when we have something to do at the moment. What’s hard is staying moved on. It’s those meaningful lyrics, one-strike-memories or those flashback-burns that really get to us. People change but your feelings remained. Forgiving is not an instant delete button, where everything will disappear by a single word— ‘sorry.’

Truth is, you had a past, something made you the way you are today. Some people might get it, some people don’t, but I can promise you that there will be a few that understand you and appreciate you for who you are. Pain changes people, you see. But the people who stay in your life will help you go through it. Appreciate these people. People go through hell every day, in their own levels, in their own definitions. Sometimes it gets a little worse before life can get better. Remember, when you’ve been thrown all the way down, the only way you can go left is up. Someone will love you, with all the flaws and cracks that torn you in the past, someone will actually think you’re beautiful. Take pain as the reason you’re a stronger person, pain does make a great teacher in life. Imagine playing a game and you’re playing on the same level until you’re finish, that game would have suck, wouldn’t it? No challenges, no nothing. Remember, you can’t change the direction of the wind, but you can adjust the sail. You can’t change where life takes you, what life has in store for you, but you can always choose how you’re going to respond to it. If life was easy, it would’ve been boring. What’s hard is what makes it great. Make peace with your past, it will do wonders for your future. 

heaven knows

He's always on my mind
From the time I wake up
'Til I close my eyes
He's everywhere I go
He's all I know

And though he's so far away

It just keeps gettin' stronger, every day

And even now he's gone

I'm still holding on

So tell me where do I start

'Cause it's breakin' my heart

Don't want to let him go

Maybe my love will come back some day

Only heaven knows

And maybe our hearts will find a way

Only heaven knows

And all I can do is hope and pray

'Cause heaven knows

My friends keep tellin' me

That if you really love him

You've gotta set him free

And if she returns in kind

I'll know He's mine

So tell me where do I start

'Cause it's breakin' my heart

Don't want to let him go

Why I live in despair

'Cause wide awake or dreaming

I know he's never there

And all the time I act so brave

I'm shaking inside

Why does it hurt me so

the last

well,hari ini terakhir kerja di PRJ dan mungkin tadi juga untuk yang terakhir kali nya kerja di PRJ bareng dodid dan untuk yang terakhir pulang dianter dodid karena mungkin hari esok dan seterusnya ga akan bisa seperti itu lagi.
udah gabisa lagi ngeliat dodid setiap hari meskipun dengan sikap dan wajah yang sangat jauh berbeda,meskipun dijutekin,diketusin,dimarahin  tapi sejujurnya gue seneng bisa ketemu setiap hari tapi setelah PRJ ini ga akan mungkin dan ga akan ada alasan lagi untuk bisa dan ketemu dodid meskipun dengan alasan 'kangen' sedih & sakit rasanya. ga seperti dulu, kalo kangen gue tinggal bilang dan selalu punya waktu dan alasan untuk bertemu dan kangen-kangen,sekarang udah gakan bisa lagi kaya gitu. dan mungkin dia pun udah ga akan mau ketemu gue setelah ini kalo ga bener-bener butuh atau ada sesuatu yang penting sekalipun 'kangen' karena sekarang semuanya udah berubah,harusnya gue bisa lebih sadar dan tau diri akan hal itu !
ga akan ada habisnya airmata gue kalo terus cerita,nggebahas,mengingat dan mengenangan dodid dengan segala kenangan manis dan indah nya........

tapi sekarang harus ada yang selalu dinget moveon dan berubah menjadi yang lebih baik dengan atau tanpa dodid itu yang terpenting  :')

ga tau ya harus ngomong apa lagi.kalo  dibilang sakit pasti sakit banget kalo dibilang kecewa ya jelas. ga sangka kalo responnya malah negatif.padahal ga sedikit pun gue punya niat buat nyakitin lagi dan gue kasih itu sket dan dompet  pun emang gada maksud apa-apa. dan emang bener kata hati gue seharus dari awal itu semua gausah gue kasih dan gue gausah denger apa saran dan kata-kata orang yang berujungnya malah gue sendiri yang sakit.kalo aja ada orang yang mau barangbarang yang udah terlanjur ada itu gakan gue kasih ke orangnya. tapi gue ga ngerti apa yang ada dipikiran dia,sejahat apa sih gue sampe sampe tega mau nyakitin orang lagi. tapi dia sekarang selalu mandang gue negatif,ga pernah ngeliat gue dari sisi baiknya,gue selalu dinilai minus,gue gada apa-apa nya,gue cuma orang lemah yang ga bisa apa-apa dan bisanya cuma nyusahin dan ngerepotin oranglain terutama dia. gue berbuat baikpun percuma selalu aja salah dan selalu dinilai negatif.
dan kembali lagi ke masalah sket.harusnya dariawal sket nya itu gausah gue pesen dulu,gue gaperlu jauh-jauh jalan ke sana cuma buat pesen tuh sket yang endingnya malah dikira mau buat orang sakit !


ternyata kaya gini ya rasanya kalo selalu dinetingin sama orang, kalo ngeliat ke belakang dan mebandingkan perlakuannya sama yang sebelumnya sepertinya sangat berbedaaaaaaa.
but life must go on ! hidup itu maju ke depan kalo melihat ke masalalu gakan ada habisnya yang ada semakin menambah luka tapi emang ga munafik susah untuk ga menoleh kebelakang karena sampai kapanpun kenangan gakan pernah bisa ilang dihati meskipun ribuan cara  dilakuin buat ngelupain dan ga mau inget semuanya itu tapi itu gakan ilang dan tetep akan nempel dihati dan yang bisa dilakuin hanya bisa mengenang dan belajar dari semua kesalahan kesahalan di masalalu to be a better person from the past  !....


tapi kalo ngeliat sikapnya sekarang bikin sedih sendiri. entah kenapa atau cuma gue yang ngerasa,setiap dia ngeliat dan lagi sama gue sikapnya sangat beda saat dia sama yang lain,mukanya ga pernah friendly saat sama gue,nasehatin dan ngomong juga selalu dengan nada yang berbeda dan ketus,cara dia natapnya pun seakan benci sama gue,seakan gue orang paling jahat,walaupun ujungujngnya dia emang niatnya baik masih care sama gue tapi sikapnya itu! kadang gue mikir sendiri mungkin gue pantes dapetin ini semua..... dan mungkin dia udah gapengen gue masih ada disekelilingnya,dia pengen hidup bebas tanpa ada gue yg selalu ganggu dan nyusahin,mungkin itu semua yang dia pengen....


mmmmm well just enough.for you dear, sorry if i always make a same mistake and always disturbe you ! 

for someone who were there

hello welcome july. first blog in this month i wanna say "get well soon for you,dear and goodluck for your final exam" :')